A Conversation with Spicy Mari about the Politics of Relationships and Dating

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Photo courtesy of Spicy Mari

Relationships take time to evolve. Getting to know a potential suitor can take months, sometimes years, before deciding if you have your “match made in heaven,” as they say. 

Intimate conversations covering a realm of topics take place before deciding if someone is a good fit. We share details about ourselves, life experiences, family, work, general interests, almost anything that gives the other person a sense of who we are as individuals. A trade of personal information is normal during courtship, but censorship can often occur. 

Although decades ago, men and women would shy away from discussions about sex, politics, and religion, the modern age has overhauled the conversations during this complex selection process. More recently, politics has become a hot topic due to the social climate we are facing. A rise in activism due to the politically charged environment creates new bullet points for those searching for mates.

Everything has changed during this new normal from the way we connect, work, socialize to the way we fall in love. Dating apps such as Chispa, the biggest Latino dating site for Millenials, are seeing change and incorporating it into their technology. Chispa has partnered with Voto Latino to promote voter registration and encourage Latinos to step up to the polls this November. It is the reason behind the newest in-app voting app being offered to users seeking to take action culturally, such as jobs, the economy, immigration, racial, and gender equality.

People are waking up to the impact that social issues have on their lives, choosing to find a partner that shares your concerns, views, and vision for the future. Swiping left or right during the search for love has gone past simple physical attributes. Men and women are looking at potential matches differently in today’s world. Matchmaker Spicy Mari shared some insight into the new world of relationships during a recent interview with BELatina News.

We are facing a time of consciousness. Many people are thinking about how they can contribute to shaping a better country. We are being encouraged to speak out about our politics more than ever before. Would you advise couples still getting to know each other to stay away from the topic of politics?

Topics like sex, politics, and religion have been taboo for years, particularly in the Latino community. This new level of consciousness is calling for more accountability. I’m seeing dating that is more based on values. We are more accepting than our parents, having a stronger ability for open dialogue. The digital tools being added to modern dating apps reflect the increasing need for narrow-down options while looking for a meaningful connection. We want commonality; having someone that shares the significance of issues important to us provides satisfaction. We are looking to add value and substance to help our relationships grow strong. Cohesive bonds are created as we discuss our views about things we’re passionate about in our lives. Politics and voting are taking center stage in the current world we live in. People want to know where you stand. How you are voting matters. Use your power.

When men and women are learning to date differently during these unpredictable times, what advice can you offer regarding the best practices while waiting to meet a potential match or partner? 

Do not despair! Really. Look at the time alone as an opportunity for self-love. It is crucial to fill your cup, find one thing a day to fulfill your desire. Swipe every day, make connections on social media, and communicate with others. Start with a conversation with yourself. Why are you single? What have you learned, how can you be better in your next relationship? Stay open to the possibilities and be your confident self. 

Latinas are known to be strong-willed and passionate. Some may call us opinionated or difficult. When online dating sources are being used with more frequency, what have you found to be the most challenging aspect of virtual dating for these women?  

Alpha females are the “Jefas in charge.” Relationships cannot be set around our careers. Sometimes, we forget the significance of intimacy, relying instead on intellectual energy. Lean on your feminine energy, bring in some of the romance, and let him lead. Men like to feel like they are in command, sometimes. This can be done without losing personal power. There should be a little give and take in relationships. 

You have an honest approach, direct and unfiltered when advising women. You tell it like it is, expressing thoughts and advice that is unfiltered, which I personally love. Do you feel it is a good way for us to communicate, particularly where politics is concerned? Or would you suggest women tailor their messages about politics or anything else when speaking to a mate? 

According to the person you’re addressing, operate from an authentic self but customize the message you are delivering. Get to know who you are speaking to use the appropriate language. Everyone is different. The key is learning how to effectively and productively express your thoughts, views, or ideas to your audience.

Your podcast “Spicy Life” covers a plateau of topics, delivering candid and juicy insight on subjects like dating, female power, and love, among a few. Can you give one piece of invaluable advice that may help women in love and life? 

Don’t make decisions or choose a partner based on fear.” Start dialogues, test your strength and weakness, and seize opportunities. Seek out what happens when you work on yourself, chip away slowly at the things you want to improve, and pursue continuous self-growth. 

We are living in a highly charged political climate where beliefs and loyalties are being tested. People are under a tremendous amount of pressure to get behind a cause close to their hearts and make a social impact. Messages to become involved, take action, or pick a side is encouraged. The increased level of activism is being flushed out from the streets to virtual screens, affecting people differently. Men and women are either siding together or setting serious boundaries, and such passions turn divisive, particularly in relationships. 

Dating is a process of elimination used to find a potential mate that shares similar interests and values. The choice of partner comes down to a list of qualities that complement your life. Therefore, if you have specific issues you feel strongly about, it may be worthwhile to pick a companion that can do one of two things. 

He or she should have the ability to discuss the issues at hand, especially the difficult ones or respect your views on any given topic. It is possible to agree to disagree when on opposing sides of any controversial matter. The key to a successful discussion as adults is in doing so in an intelligent and humbling manner. 

During these times of turmoil, stay open to give yourself the best possible chance at love and remain true to yourself. This is a time for everyone’s voices to be heard, not only in relationships but in society, as a whole.