Number Two: How to Transcend Your Fear of Going to the Bathroom at Work

Number two toilet paper

The majority of us women suffer from poopaphobia at the office. In fact a study done by the toilet freshener company V.I.Poo found that more than 50% of women, and 29% of men, are uncomfortable taking a number two at work. Some of us even try to hold it in because we want to appear perfect to our coworkers. Let’s face it, pooping is a slightly gross act that would take away from our Oscar-winning performance of Ms. Perfect if we were caught in the act. But the time has come to transcend this fear and face it head on because holding it in is wrong. It’s bad for your body, your stress levels and you’ll wind up with cramps. 

And if you hold it in too long and get to the bathroom too late, you may wind up with a pooptastrophe like that other Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence. On David Letterman she confessed that right before the Catching Fire premiere, she totally pooped her pants when she had a bad case of ongoing stomach issues. See? Red carpets are even worse than office bathroom stalls. To avoid this happening to you, here are some ways to be prepared next time you have to drop the kids off at the swimming pool.

Use a Detective’s Timing

Before you do the deed do a little pre detective snooping beforehand. Every workplace has its rhythm, so if you see there are times of the day when the bathroom is emptier than usual make this your window of opportunity. At offices this is usually during the morning hours or at lunchtime. 

Say Bye Bye to Smells

Perhaps one of the best inventions ever made are Airwick’s V.I.Poo odor absorbing sprays. These travel size sprays trap nasty smells in the bowl by adding a “proactive odor protection” before you go. Simply spray in the bowl before taking your seat and the protective layer trap is set. If you don’t have a spray on you, once you’ve dropped off your packages, flush immediately. This way the smell fades faster while you’re wiping and zipping up your Ms. Perfect costume and exiting stall left. 

Mask the Splash 

Quit squirming around in an attempt to hide the splash noise, simply flush the toilet during the act to overpower the other sound or place a few squares of toilet paper on top of the water in the bowl before you sit down to muffle it a bit.