A Conversation With Your Prima: Exploring Your Sexual Identity Without Feeling Shame

sexual identity BELatina
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Most of us grow up thinking that talking about anything relating to sex or sexual identity is forbidden. We are only told that we should not have sex and that’s final. Well, at least that was my experience. Apparently, if I ever had sex, my whole body would sag immediately. Needless to say, I was terrified. Who would want that to happen to them? 

As I got older, I realized what a load of crap that was and how harmful that type of advice truly was. This is why I decided it’s time we change the narrative on anything regarding sex. No one should ever feel ashamed of wanting to know more about sex. Instead, we should feel empowered by it. In order to do this, we can learn how to navigate through life without feeling uncomfortable in wanting to talk about this so-called sensitive topic. So, we are going to talk about this today. Think of me as that prima that walks in fashionably late to family get-togethers. You know, the outspoken one that the tias judgingly whispering about when she walks past them in her ultra-tight dress. Yes, that’s me. And I’m going to be equipping you with the information on sex and sexual identity that I would’ve loved to have had years ago. 

Alright, let’s get talking about the juicy stuff!

Get Comfortable Saying ‘Sex.’

I want to stress that it’s okay to utter the word “sex” for goodness sake! I’ve met so many women who would get red in the face when I would say this word. Older women to be precise. This only proves my point that we are doing a disservice to women in this area. There’s a lot of misinformation out there and that’s dangerous as hell. If we don’t incorporate talk about sex to girls, we risk a higher chance for teen pregnancy and STDs. People, it’s really important to get onboard with comprehensive sex education. But once you are able to speak the world and allow yourself to learn, you’ll be ready to walk into the world with newfound confidence that will be able to protect you. 

It’s Not Just for the Boys. 

Boys are often encouraged to go out and have sex as soon as they can, while girls are told to hold off until marriage. Why is that? To make matters even worse, girls are told that no men will want them if they find out they’ve engaged in premarital sex. Yet, most boys are encouraged to test out the field before marriage. Without a doubt, this is double standards at its finest and that shouldn’t be. Women are also allowed to enjoy sex, even if it’s premarital. As long as you’re protected, then you’re good to go. 

It’s Okay to Be Curious. 

I remember growing up and seeing all the changes my body was going through. I was fascinated, but that’s about it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure if my curiosity was justified. Not having anyone else around me talk about this made me feel like I was one weird girl. I was afraid to look at myself in a different way or to even touch places that I felt shouldn’t be touched. But that’s just the thing. It’s your own body. You are allowed to explore and feel it. I suggest you get up close and personal with your body so that you will know if something is off with your body at some point. Don’t feel shy to grab a mirror and get a better look at your lady parts. It’s yours. Get to know yourself in every way. It will benefit you in the future. I promise. 

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Photo credit via bustle.com

What It Means to Explore. 

I want to further develop on what it means to explore your body. I know this is something that might evoke feelings of shame, but there’s no need for that. Love yourself in every way. Besides, there’s no other way to know what you’re into, if you don’t try it on yourself first. Surprisingly, I’ve met many women who had never touched themselves and were confused about what they enjoyed when they wanted to engage in consensual sexual activities with their partner. So, in order to avoid these awkward situations, it’s okay to become well versed in your own body. Yes, I’m talking about masturbation. Feel yourself and learn what works best for you. Some people like it gently, while others like it rough. All I know is that you won’t ever know unless you try it. Don’t feel embarrassed if you ever get the urge to have fun with yourself. It’s a completely normal process that’s been embedded into our human nature. If anyone tells you otherwise, block them out. Those people are probably having bad sex and let me tell you, that’s something you want to avoid at all costs. 

It’s Perfectly Fine to Love It All. 

Sex is wonderful. It has the ability to make you feel beyond words. This is why loving all your consensual sexual experiences can be as seamless as the act. I’ll be honest, prior to loving anything that had to do with sex, I remember I would be so tense and awkward. But, little by little, I started to realize that great sex is often associated with feeling comfortable around sex. This brought me closer to understanding the different layers of sex, including the emotional aspect. 

Be Open With Yourself About Your Sexuality.

Being curious about your sexuality is something that is bound to happen as you start exploring yourself. Though we are all predisposed to an extremely heteronormative world, it doesn’t mean that this your only option. However, if that’s your route, then cheers to you! But if you’re more like me who lives in a world filled with adventure and one to marvel about the unknown, then exploring is the way to go. 

From an early age I knew that the world wasn’t as black and white as people make it out to be. I was constantly skeptical of what constituted the norm and questioned everything I could whenever possible. This, without a doubt, caused me to probe my own sexuality. I knew I loved women, but I will not lie, I’ve also dated men. I needed to do this to fully understand what sexuality meant to me. Of course, this doesn’t necessarily have to be your experience. All I’m saying is that it’s perfectly fine to try out all your options. And no, that doesn’t make you a sl*t or a wh*re. It just makes you human. But please wear protection as you engage in your sexual experiments. 

Life is a whirlwind of experiences, many of which are unexpected. It’s often scary out there, especially if there’s no one to talk to. But you mustn’t fret. I know you’re probably doing your best at surviving the hell out of your life and that makes your virtual prima so happy (aka Me). So, allow yourself to feel passionately and to not feel intimidated by this intimate subject. Take control of it. It’s for your pleasure after all.